Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Out With The Old, In With The New

     Happy New Year Baby Girl,

     I cannot begin to explain the heartbreak of tonight. I never knew a pink journal could be so hard to read. Inside was a Feeding Flowsheet from when you were still mine... What time I fed you, what day, and how much you ate. It may sound so silly to others but it was hard for me to look at. 

     I have missed out on a lot of "firsts" in the past few weeks. Not being able to be there when you opened your first Christmas gift was harder than I expected. You mean more to me than anything in the world and it kills me to miss out on "firsts". 

     Soon you will be getting your first tooth, your first word, your first time crawling. And your first birthday.

     The heart-break that birth moms around the world face are more hard than anyone else thinks. Sometimes I feel like no one cares. Sometimes I feel like no one understands... It's hard placing your child for adoption when you wish you could've given the life they deserved by yourself. I know you're in a good place. I wanted you there, but I miss you a lot tonight Clara Jane. 

     I hope you had a Happy New Year with your mommy and daddy. Can't wait to see you next, Honey! Happy New Year 2014...


Love You, And I Mean It,
Birth-Momma Biz

P.S. Here's some pictures from our most recent visit last week: