Things Get Grey But There's Always A Safe Haven

Something feels different lately.

      It's like I can finally heal! Finally move forward and love myself and my decision I made. Like I can get to know Chelsy without feeling like it's all for Clara. That its for us and for our future.

      I have recently decided I want to become a Pediatrician. In my Patriarchal blessing it says dorm thing along the lines of "you will teach children of our father's love and they will learn that from an early age because of you." I feel like it's my calling. Maybe things will change along the way but I trust that He knows what He's doing.

     I've missed being a teenager. Working at a soda shop is the perfect way of learning how to be one. I just learned what Bae meant. Haha!

     I was invited to see your little brother and sister get blessed. It was a really and truthfully wonderful experience. They are so so so incredible.

     Included in this post is a picture of all of us & one of me and you.

LOVE YOU!!!!
Biz

"BIZ!!!!"

Clara,

You're so big. I haven't written to you in so long it seems. I guess I'm just busy... I feel like I always say that.

You're 2 now. Isn't that incredible!? You make my heart soar when I see your face through my iPhone screen <3 I miss you so much every single day! You are my everything and I'm so proud of the big girl you're becoming!

A couple weeks ago we FaceTimed and had an awesome conversation about what you did that day. I think it's pretty insane to think you can say my name and understand (to an extent) that you know you grew in my belly. :) In the beginning of that FaceTime call you said *gasp* "BIZ!!!!" and my heart fluttered.

I've always said I'm thankful for open adoption, always.. but now it seems like I'm even more thankful. You know me, and thats a blessing.

I miss you like crazy baby. I can't even  explain. <3

Well, I will get back to you soon, hopefully!

Love You, And I Mean It,
Birthmomma Biz

Finally

Clara Jane,
Sorry for not writing in what feels like forever...

Last weekend, which was Easter, your mommy and daddy announced HUGE surprise.

After 5 years of infertility, many prayers & tears, through IVF your mommy is now expecting. I cannot begin to express my joy & excitement for not only you, but your incredible mommy. She prayed for this for YEARS... of anyone I know, she deserves it most.

You are going to be a big sister in a few months, and that's not the end of the surprises....
It's not 1 baby, oh no, here comes trouble with 2!!!! YES! TWINS!

I have had friends ask me if I am jealous in any way jealous, sad, angry, annoyed... etc. My answer, "Uh no! How could I be for someone who deserves it the most. For my baby girl (who's not such a baby anymore) to become a big sister! SAY WHAT?! Stoked, so excited." There is not an ounce of jealousy, sadness, anger, anything!

Pure pure joy!

This is how your mommy and daddy announced it to me, before the rest of the world! LOVE!

Love You, And I Mean It,
Birthmomma Biz <3