A Little Bit of Honesty

Ill be honest right now, this is the hardest thing I have ever gone through and will ever go through
I'm not going to sugar coat a thing because that's not how I am. I'm terrified. So so so scared of not seeing my baby girl for the first month-1 year of your life. I understand its an open adoption and everything but I feel like I'm only going to be able to see you once a month max. I love you so much and I don't want to not see you. You're my world and you mean everything to me. I'm scared of the unknown in all of this. What if when you're older you won't want to see me? What if you feel like I placed you for adoption not out of love but out of abandonment. I placed you for adoption because I care about you more than anything and I want the best for my little baby girl. You mean so much and I can't take care of a child. I can hardly take care of myself. I want you to have everything you need and more and I know your mommy and daddy will provide that for you. You're beautiful baby girl and I know it. This is the hardest journey. I have been crying for the past hour and can't stop because of how scared I am. People don't get it. Unless they've been through it. It's unexplanitory. You're my everything and I seriously can't imagine life without you. Your kicks and flutters that keep me up all night long; I wouldn't trade them for a thing. The weird cravings and laugh-cries that I get; I honestly cherish them. You're a miracle. The fact that a 13 now 14 year old girl can carry such a blessing full term and healthy is amazing. Not many young women can do that. I love you. Please don't ever feel like I did this because I didn't love you.
You're amazing and you are nothing but a miracle


Love you, and I mean it,
Mom